April 06, 2010

Ninja Hijack Survey

June 25, 2008 -

How old are you/will you be on your golden birthday?

Golden birthday? What and when the fuck is that?  Isn't that when I will be 90 or something? That is pretty much dust stacked high enough to be considered a person by law. That's it.

Are you the oldest child in your family?

Yes as a matter of fact I am.  Oldest of 4 kids. So I know at least my parents had sex 4 times........GROSS! HAHA!

Have you ever eaten the worm?

No, I consider tequila off limits for me.  I had a bad experience when I was younger.......no I HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE! I'll leave it at that!

Have you ever done the walk of shame?

Yeah, but it was only out to my car in the parking lot and then I drove 25 minutes home.  The people in that town didn't know what I wore the day prior but for that short 300 yards I thought everybody was looking at me......

Do you ever play hookie from life?

Yes I do.  I zone out for some strange reason.  It kind of "centers" me if you will for a few moments, then I'll jump back into the conversation.

What is the last trick you learned?

How to charge an ipod with Gatorade and a potato or something like that? I don't know, it was on Break.com.

Why did you have to learn that trick?

I didn't HAVE to, but it was fun to watch.  Then I saw this really cool set of bar tricks to do with beer and whiskey I believe?  They were in shot glasses on top of each other separated by a playing card, and wouldn't combine or spill.

Did it work?

Yeah, it sure did.  Pretty cool stuff to charge your ipod for about 15 minutes or so.  I believe you soak the potato in Gatorade for about an hour or so to get the electric juices flowing, then hook up everything to the potato and charge that bitch up! Great if you have Gatorade and a potato in the woods and need your tunes desperately.

Do you lie for gain?

Yes I have, I actually lied on my apartment application a little bit when they asked me if I had my own washer and dryer and immediately blurted out "yes".  I don't.  So I don't know if I will have to get an access card later to gain access to the on-site washer/dryer place.

Have you ever been wrong and not admitted it?

I am stubborn. I think everyone has done this in their lifetime a few times.  I usually try to admit fault whenever possible.  Its hard for me to do though.

Have you ever been right and not admitted it?

Yes.  I usually try to not to rub things back in peoples faces.  If they know that they are wrong then that's all that needs to be said.  That's not the right thing to do to constantly admit or say you are right.  Because eventually the other person will have the upper hand and will remember what you did and give it back 10 fold.

Do you chew your nails?

No, I eat things that taste better than nails.  Why would I want to chew nails? If I am nervous or anything I'll probably put my hands in my pockets and look around innocently.

Do you say burp or belch?

I usually say "Burp".  I try not to burp at all these days.  It's just become habit to hold it in and let it reverberate inside my throat.  Kinda sounds like a frog though.

Do you have inside animals?

My parents do.  Or I should say my little sis Ash does.  She has a small miniature Yorkshire terrier named Razcal.  He's about hot dog sized and weighs about 3 lbs or so.  He is more considered a rat.

Do you give money to panhandlers?

No, and I never will.  I will gladly hand my money over to a worthwhile cause like a charity or something that benefits the homeless more-so than handing out cash on the side of the road.  I see the same homeless guys everyday when I come into work.  If you have that routine of a schedule to get up and sit on a corner and look semi pathetic then you have exactly what it takes to be employed by SOMEONE!

Would you speak up if you saw a fight in public?

Nope, it depends though.  I'm a white guy, I thrive on NON-confrontation.  Sad but its true.  I don't want to cause problems, don't want to be a part of the stirring pot, I really don't want to be a part of anything that I feel is a retarded fight or a senseless act.  If for any reason I did have to speak up I would probably just get drowned out by the other people standing around yelling, "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

Would you speak up if you saw a fight in private?

I would definitely check to make sure everyone was okay with my close private friends.  I still would try to avoid any punches or any confrontation what-so-ever but would try to smooth everything out by speaking up.

Do you think anyone can make art?

No, not everyone can make art.  I used to write songs on the guitar and they sucked bawls.  It just takes a special breed to do that.  And plus it makes me respect them and their talent that much more seeing as not EVERYONE can do it.

Are you a list person?

Abso-fucking-lutely!  I have to write down a list for everything and what store I go into.  If I don't, I end up spending too much money on gadgets, CD's, food, etc. and I end up in the whole on crap that I don't need......."Do I really need that BeeGee's greatest hits just so I can have all of their hits today?"

Do you believe love conquers all?

Hmmmm, nope, I don't.  I believe both people should have their own lives and do and go as they want.  But what will bring them together is the common bond and friendship and they will want to share their space.  But love doesn't conquer over all things.

Even taboo relationships?

Even mechanical relationships? Because I've heard the new thing on the internet is people spreading their "seed" inside or on a car.  They are in fact in love with their car.  So this in turn kind of proves my "love conquers all" theory.  No way a love for a mechanical inanimate object can conquer all.

Can you wiggle your ears?

Nope.  I sure can't.  They were damaged when I was a kid.  Part of playing tag where I was from (Alexandria, LA) we were a little slow in the head and played with the rules that as soon as you got tagged it you got one of your ears pulled hard.  They eventually got better over time but only after a few years of NOT being pulled out of their sockets.  Later this spurred me on to be a very fast runner in baseball.

Can you wiggle anything else?

Wouldn't you like to know......Yes, I can move another part of my body, but wouldn't you like to know what it is........alright, its my big toe!  I can also wiggle my penis too, and for some reason they have matching goat cheese in between my toes and ball sack.

Ever do something you didn't want to just to keep peace?

Yes, there have been a few times I have been riled up pretty bad and wanted to fight.  Last time that happened I was on the ice and accidentally pushed another play away from me in the crease.  The person in the crease fell down (she was a woman) and on the next shift I was blindside elbowed across the face by one of her teammates skating out of our zone. 

Do you daydream?

Yes I do? Huh? Oh wait.......I was supposed to answer this one? I forgot.  I zone out for about 15 to 20 seconds sometimes and then come back from my little mini-daydream.  It helps me get through the day.

Do you have a favorite quote from your grandma or grandpa?

Yep, its, "This is pretty good better buy you some!" (used when you have dessert or something and are enjoying it to death, then tell the other person without it that its so good that you should buy some from them), and "ah, hmmm, ah" (usually used a lot when trying to tell a story, its placed in the middle of details that she is trying to conjure up) plus "I need to round off the corners and get the good stuff." (Used when my grandma needs to get another piece of dessert and has to even off the cake in a pan to make it even.)

Ever act like you don't know your family in public?

Nope, there have been a few times I have gone out with them and saw a really cute chick up at the bar that was eyeballing me and couldn't make a move because of the parents. Just sucks......

Have you ever picked someone elses' flowers?

Nope, I usually suck it up and just buy the ones in the store.  If I am strapped for cash I will have to go for the cheaper than cheap ones.  Or if I am really desperate I will stop and pick some wildflowers.  Don't know why I would do that with gas these days, I would just say to have a date over AIM to save gas.

Have you ever played in the rain?

Yes I have.  I have also been swimming in the rain, which is also fun.  You come up for air and you still get wet!  And plus the rain drops on your head and around in the water feel pretty good.  Plus, when you are underwater with it raining it sounds really awesome, especially if it is a nice rain.

Live to ride?

Hell yeah, that's what my MINI Petey is for.  Nothing like the smell of petrol, a few crinkly dollars in your hands, and the open road (lined with honeysuckle of course).

Ride to live?

I wish I had a job where I could drive/ride to support myself.  I still would like to get out on the track a few more times and experience a Drivers Edge event.

What do you think of motorcycle helmets?

Are okay I suppose.  I really like the throwback helmets or the top only, not a big fan of the full face motorcycle helmets with the visor.  Guess those would only look good on a ricer rocket.  The half single strap throwback helmets would be good for a hog or something.

Do you have a conceal and carry permit?

Need to get mine.  I have a very nice Springfield XD 40 S&W that I still love.  I have 200 rounds of ammo waiting to be enjoyed!  Slipping through the barrel at a very fast rate of speed taking that paper guys head off!

If you had to pick a body part to live without what would it be?

I would have to say my taint.  How is anyone going to realize that my asshole and my ball sack are an inch closer to each other?  Nobody!  And this would let me see if I can stick my (insert dick joke) inside my own ass......:P

What's your blood type?

Have no idea.  Last time I got blood work done (tetanus shot) I fainted out in the hot parking lot and was carried back in by my mom.  I was out for about 15 or 20 minutes and didn't realize what happened.  I just remember waking up on the cold floor with a fan over me.

Ever broken any bones?

Nope, never gotten into a fight with anyone.  I would have been an animal, still think I would be if I got into a fight today.  I sometimes have a dream where I kick someones ass so much that they are laying on the ground coughing up blood, when I turn to walk away and then turn back one more time and put my foot in their face.

Ever broken any of YOUR bones?

Nope, there are no bones in my junk right? So yeah, I thought I broke it off once, but it just hurt really bad.  I am one of those really lucky kids that never got a broken bone and only got stitches once (when I was 5).

Can you kick the habit?

Hmmmm, well, nope, I don't think so.  Masturbating 8 times a day is completely natural! Ask me how I do that on Mon. - Fri.! My workstation is a living biological experiment!

Do you believe the future is unknown?

Yes.  There are too many variables in our lives that it is almost impossible to set a path for each and every one of us to follow.  All of those "I could have gone that way" or "I just happened to be here at the right time" moments are just out of coincidence.

Who is your favorite cook?

Justin Wilson.  He is an awesome cook out of Louisiana I believe.  Specializing in deep south dishes and spicy cajun entrees, he is probably my favorite just because I remember my mom tuning in and remember his suspenders and brick haven he called a kitchen.

Do you prefer pie or cake?

Both please.  I will take a Granny Smith apple crumb pie with peanut butter on top or a yellow Duncan Hines cake with butter cream frosting. Thank you!  I will let you buy some and I will be sure to even off the corners.

Beer, whiskey or wine?

Definitely beer.  I am about 60 beers away from getting my personalized plate at the Flying Saucer in Addison.  So far I have drank 130 beers that they have on tap and in bottles.  I will live forever on the wall of that awesome place! :D

Do you have a favorite number?

36 or 15


Jussi Jokinen and Niklas Hagman! Flying Finns FOR TEH WIN!!!! Also number 36 has been my number all the way through baseball since I was 9.

-Word Association-

I say Bush you say-

Kind of a douchebag, typical white guy, but don't really like politicians to begin with.  Don't really like any of the candidates because one is there just because he is black, the other (McCain) is there because he's a war veteran and is the typical white politician figure, and Clinton only because she has a husband who gets his cock sucked and she is a woman. I'm not too political if you haven't already figured out.

I say party liquor you say-

Definitely grab a party melon to go with that.

I say early you say-

Time for work.  6:25am comes pretty quick in the morning.

I say truck-boat you say-

Duck.  Really cool WWII amphibious vehicle that would go from land to water in no time!

I say "Hey!" you say-

"What's up man!"

I say please you say-

Alright, I guess so, but next time you ain't getting that Cleveland Steamer for free.

I say PAH-leeeeez you say-

Maybe I'll do it on a glass coffee table and you can watch from underneath

I say G-Love you say-

G-spot love baby! I hits it!

Do you answer your phone on the first ring?

Nope.  I usually pick it up as soon as I know who it is and its convenient for me.  Not going to pick it up in an awkward location that's too loud or needs to be quiet. 

Have you ever let Jehovah's Witnesses inside?

Yeah, they still haven't found the bodies yet.......

Have you ever been lied to, found out and continued to believe the lie?

This does sound familiar.  But I would probably take it one step further and say I was lied to, found out, continued to believe the lie because I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt because I thought they were a better person.  Turned out they weren't. Oh well, that's how it goes.  I'm not going to hurt anymore over it.  I got people to do, things to go.........

If someone offered you money would you take it?

Absolutely!  I would probably be very gracious about it and try and give it back but as soon as they were gone I would totally be trying to figure out what I could do with it.

Is there a such thing as a no strings attached relationship?

Yeah, I saw a magazine once that was called DFW Swingers. I imagine there is a plethora of no strings attached swinging relationships going on.......

Ever have one?

Nope.  I do think a few strings are good.  And attachment is good, but when you start putting all of your strings on one thing you start to get dragged around and you aren't the same person you used to be.  Its best to attach with a few strings and then let the other ones alone.

Are you friends with a former enemy?

Nope.  I'm usually not enemies with anyone, I try to be as friendly as I can be and usually its just a misunderstanding or they don't get my sense of humor or jokes.

If so, why?

Rejection is hard.  All of the people that are my "enemies" if you will hopefully will get over it.  It sucks to be rejected.  Believe me I know.  But I don't have any bad words to say to any of those people who rejected me at all.  I still think I could be their friends with them, but it would be different.

Are you enemies with a former friend?

Our personalities apparently don't fit very well.  I don't show my nice side too often when I am around them and end up coming off too harsh and abrasive and this person is very sensitive and emotional.  It's not a bad thing.  I can't change the way that I am or how I interact with people, its just what has been embedded into my psyche.  I hope they don't take it personal or hold a grudge.  Not everyone is going to like me.  You have to accept that. That's something that I haven't had to deal with ever and its a tough pill to swallow.

If so why?

Well, I pretty much explained it in the last question, but okay.  I was in a dark place when I did some things I probably shouldn't have done behind the scenes with people on the side.  It happened, I made those things because I was looking for something.  It was stupid, but it just sucks that what had to come out of it was cutting a lot of people off because I didn't want that to happen again in that time span.

Have you ever pierced someones body part for them?

No never, not even by accident.

Did you wear pleather in the 80's (for the oldies)?

HAHAHA! I'm not an "oldie" so I will say no.  I don't even know what the hell pleather looks like?  I remember the slap bracelets and the little t-shirt ties that went at the bottom of t-shirts for girls that "dressed up" the t-shirts a little bit.....but that's it.  No pleather for me.

Did you have a mullet?

No thanks.  Luckily I wasn't in THAT small of a Louisiana town (or Arkansas town for that matter) and my parents weren't into that sort of hair style.

Do you have pics of either being worn?

Sorry, if I haven't worn or had either then this question is not needed. I hate you survey.

Can we see those pics?

Sigh. Why? Why do you persist survey? You need to back the fuck off! That's right bitch! I mutherfucking said it, back your rank shit bubble ass back on out of here.....

Ever play Domino's?

Does playing the Noid game on Nintendo count? I loved doing that! Of course I have played Domino's.  I love chicken foot!

Do you like red, pesto or NO sauce on your pizza?

I am a big fan of red and pesto sauces.  I still to this day love Gino's pizza from Ft. Smith.  They were before Sbarro's time and you paid by the slice, only it was one of those no sauce places. Pretty good......

Ever kill a deer?

Yeah I was on this camping missing with my dad Chuck Norris in the Deldilorian Alps and he showed me how to kill a deer with a fingernail that he used as a deadly boomerang to slice of the deers head in one slice (think Oddjob with the hat or shoe).  Thanks dad!

Ever kill a deer with a car?

My foster dad (Rick) was driving his 1980 something 325i through the back woods of Arkansas one night with me in the passenger seat and struck a deer on the way to my grandma's place.  I didn't know what happened because I was almost asleep, then felt us hit a brick wall it felt like.  He got out and through the dim light I could see him with his head on his forehead in frustration.  I still hear him to this day cussing up a storm saying "fuck, ass, shit, goddamnit, etc." out in the dark trying to be covert about it with his young son in the passenger seat.

How about with a gun?

I would like to.  But don't own a rifle.  I would probably have more fun out in the early morning sun loving the thrill of the hunt.  The thrill and the suspense right before the shot, and then the tracking that is involved to go along with finding the wounded deer.

Ever make homemade sausage?

Yep, its always at my place, ladies, just line up for about 8 full inches of homemade sausage right out of my house. It's good and juicy too.  You can't resist!  You know those Big Sausage Pizza videos? I am the guy that supplies the homemade sausage!

Do you know where the home of the double decker pizza is..?

England? That's a pretty good guess I suppose? I really don't know? Sounds about right though.......

Scariest place in the world?

The debt collection agency? HA! The prison where the Shawshank Redemption was filmed.  Supposedly that place is intense with ghosts and spirits if you believe in that sort of thing.

Salt or pepper?

Pepper.  Salt, you are NOTHING without pepper.  Pepper you make my day whenever you are available to be put on my food.  Salt just makes me want to drink more liquid and NOT enjoy the food.  Pepper, you accentuate the food taste so it is better.....and Tabasco, well, if I were to ever turn gay, you would be the bottle I would turn to for all my anal needs.

Salt or Pepa?

Man, you really are trying to shove this salt thing down my throat aren't you survey?  Oh, you are talking about that shitty 90's R&B girls group now?  Oh, sorry, guess I'll let it slide.  I was always into the Salt of Salt N Pepa.  But that chick from TLC takes the cake though, I always wanted to make love to a hot African American baseball catcher......

Have you ever lost your groove?

I'm white. I have no groove.  It's proven throughout history and sock hops around the globe.  I just don't have groove to begin with.

Ever get it back?

I have a little bit now I suppose.  Don't know how I got some in the first place but I guess my groove is just the retarded white boy shaking dance.  I act a fool when I am out on the dance floor, but I promise it is a good time if I am around people I know and I have a few drinks in me.


I just fucking told you asscunt of a survey! Jesus H. Christ! I got a little bit back because of my white boy dancing skills.  Every white person gets a little groove when they ATTEMPT to dance.  Its kind of a pity groove point.  The more and more you dance and attempt it, the more you are likely to receive said groove points.  I am at about 1 groove point (the average white person is at about 5).

Can we see?

No, you cannot see me try to gain groove points.  It's just not needed.  If you would like to see that be sure to send two or three Shiner's my way (preferably Kolsch) and if the beat is good and I like the company I'm dancing with, IT'S ON!