April 06, 2010

Are You Kidding Me?

August 26, 2008 -

I was on my way home on a very hot and humid day here in the Metroplex.  Off into the MINI with no A/C, to put on my shades and get the best damn trucker tan I know (left arm tan from being propped up on the door and the right one being inside)!  I turned my usual right hand turn onto the service road and began my long arduous journey back to the casa.  It's not too far I suppose, only about 30 minutes or so WITH traffic?  It used to be a 45 minute drive from the Mound of Flowers and over an hour and 30 minutes from that Egyptian land known as Keller.  Didn't they have the Olympics out there? Because I could have sworn that Beijing and Keller are side by side. Oh well........

I came to a traffic light on Continental Ave in downtown Dallas heading south and pulled up to wait for the light.  Now, this is where I start my story.  I'm usually the guy that looks around while he is in traffic.  Nothing obvious mind you like turning all the way around in my seat to see people behind me, but I do glance at everyone in my plane of vision.  To the left, right, and in front of me at all angles.  So! I am in the far left lane of traffic wanting to turn left onto Continental and there are 2 other lanes of traffic to my right.  I begin to scan them over as they pull up and stop along side of me and in front of me and so on and so forth.  Crappy 107.9 Piolin vans, Oldsmobile rapper types, and a few Maximas and what not crowd the light.  2 lanes over I notice a black Jaguar. 

It was a very nice Jaguar to say the least.  I probably would have put it in the early 2000 build X-type Jags.  Black, all black, the type of black that is as dark as the night itself. Black as Mrs. Butterworth in all of her black glory.  That dark and clean.  It wasn't the Jag that has that crowning vagina on the front either, this is one of the very nice old school "British" Jags with the flatter hood of the two and the four headlights molded into the bonnet a little bit.  I notice the man sitting inside now.

He is a relatively young man (around 30ish or 34ish I suppose) with a button up white collared shirt and a loosened tie.  His hair is clean cut and moussed up a little like a douche.  You know, that businessman below the neck type look and the scruffy frat boy hair-do on top.  Slightly messed up but just good enough for those board meetings and that juicy water cooler/break room gossip.  The tan leather hugs and caresses his body in only a way that is known to Jag owners.  I would probably wack off in the back seat of that car just to do it, then chicken out when I was getting ready to spurt and put a plastic bag over my junk to save the spray.  And believe me, I do spray like a water bottle on stream (not mist)!  Anyway, I digress.......back to the man.

I turn away and wait for the light to turn green.  A homeless man lowers his head again as the light turns green and he has to wait for the next schmo to give him a dollar.  But before we take off I notice something out of the corner of my eye.  It's "Jag Man" again.  He's moving in his car and I see him doing this.  I look over and see him talking on his phone, obviously a nice one.  It wasn't an Iphone or one of those poser look at me phones, but it definitely was a Blackberry, Tazer, Blazer, Roundhouse, Sidekick, or whatever else those fucking phone companies all call their new phones.  He reaches down to his center console and pulls up a canned soda to take a draw off of.  What he drank made me write this entire blog.  He reached across the tan fawnskin baby deer leather in his 8 mile an hour city mileage Jag to pull a Diet Dr. Thunder out of his console. Are you FUCKING KIDDING me?

A .25 cent soda for your rich ass? I was flabbergasted! No! He couldn't have chosen that for the taste? Because everyone knows that Dr. Thunder is Dr. Pepper's 3rd removed retarded down syndrome stepbrother!  They could drop a case of Dr. Thunder in a starving and water droughted country like Nepal and those people would suffer through and wait for something else.  It's that bad!  But to see someone with so much going for them, the nice job, the great car, the phone, the look, the attitude and probably the 9 at home waiting for them, they choose to drink the "cheap" soda.  I couldn't believe it!  I laughed for about 2 minutes straight as I drove through the light and smiled for the remaining 28 minutes.

It's little things like this that I pick up for just a split second and I read so much into what happens.  I would figure that with all the things he had going for him he could have laid down the extra quarter to buy a real diet Dr. Pepper from the coke machine.  And to top it off it was DIET!  Dr. Thunder alone leave such a horrible bad aftertaste in your mouth from the iron and calcium deposits that I don't even want to know what kind of chemical reaction goes on in your mouth with NutraSweet or whatever 4th spawn Thailand sweetener Wal-Mart went with to make that abortion of a drink.

So, that's my short (or long) blog about a split second that happened in traffic the other day.  I stretched out that small instance into a whole blog so I hope you guys enjoy it.

SIDE NOTE:  With this blog I guess it would be a good time to let you guys in on something that has been in the back of my brain for sometime.  I was on my way down to Houston this past week and it hit me just what I am passionate about and makes me happy.  It's not money or a job or possessions (although those are cool for downtime) but its the incorporation of comedy into my life.  I find that if I am having a bad day at work or a bad work week that I need to step out for a little and center myself with comedy.  I go home after a stressful day and watch comedy troops like the Upright Citizens Brigade, Human Giant, and other Second City alum who got their start with group improv comedy.

I will stick with the UCB.  They are a group that started in Chicago but moved to New York after a few years on the Second City stage.  Amy Poehler (my favorite improv/actress/comedy star) got her start here.  She started doing group improv and her wit and charm contributed to the groups success.  I have no dreams of becoming a stand-up comedian.  This is a different art form all in itself.  I think I would be a great addition to a comedy troop and can add and take jokes up to the next level (sometimes dirty, sometimes too far) but the contributions I feel would make a great part for me.  So, I have done some research and found a few classes that I would like to take just as a hobby and see where it goes.  Who knows, maybe I'll get picked up and go on from there?  We'll shall see, but it won't be easy.  I'll still have to get up on that stage and speak in front of all of those people.  Good times.  Almost time for good tasting beer.  If you want to know a way into my heart know my favorite beers/styles and be able to pick them out at the store! :-P  Thanks for reading guys!