February 21, 2011

Dream Journal: The Outfit

Every now and then I have a weird dream during the night.  I sometimes want to go look it up in one of those actual dream journals and find out what it means, only I really think I'll be off the charts and they won't have what I'm looking for.  What exactly does a baby with a crab head mean again?

Researchers have determined that there is about a 3 minute window after you wake up where you remember your dream, and it is up to the sleeper to do that in that amount of time.  If it's really good, I'll remember it and tell it to Jen when I'm in the shower.  If it's weird enough, I'll remember it during the day and can type out a blog about it.  That's where this comes in.

For some reason I had these weird pads in my mouth.  They were on both the top of my mouth and my bottom.  Imagine if you folded over one of those feminine panty liners and put it in your mouth.  It would feel kinda like that.  I don't have an earthly idea why I was wearing these pads in my mouth, but I was.  And I was walking home and took one of them out.  A long dribble of spit came out of my mouth while I did this, and I folded up the pad even more and wrung it out to get more saliva out of it so I could put it in my pocket.  Yeah, like I said, sometimes my dreams are gross.

Cut to me getting ready for work.  I was picking out my clothes for the day after my shower and had picked out a mighty awesome red sleeveless muscle shirt.  Awesome.  This actually reminds me of a Pearl Jam shirt I actually own.  It has very short sleeves, so much so that they barely come down halfway to my elbow.  That's pretty short for me.  This was no sleeves at all.  As in, if I lifted my arm up you could see my pit hair.  Not exactly something "work oriented" to wear on the job.  I'm thinking more "workout attire" for that ensemble.

So cut back out of the dream back into the real world, and I'll tell you a little bit about my work getup.  I just recently learned that you are supposed to wear a black belt if you wear black shoes or something.  I've always just worn a brown belt with my brown North Face shoes.  I thought nothing as I wore my newer black Van's and black t-shirt.  It's just a belt?  Does anyone at my job fucking care?  Not really......  But someone does.  And her name starts with "J" and ends with "n".  Oh, and there is an "e" in the middle.  Yeah. 

So I just recently (probably a year ago) found this shit out.  I'm not the best dresser by any means.  I choose to be that way.  Why wear something nice and proper when I'm going to be handling dirty, dusty servers all day, throwing them around my test bench?  What's the point?  I just nick up and dirty up my good clothes that I spent all this money on.  Pointless.

So cut back to the dream.  I'm ready to attach the lower portion of my outfit.  Now I'm just thinking to myself, "Man, all I need to get is a pair of jeans and I'll be set."  But little did I know what was in store for me.  Jen comes back from the closet and is carrying a long, flowing baby blue dress.  It's silky and smooth of course - definitely something that will show off all the contours of my ass hair.  I'm thinking, "Okay, awesome, that's what Jen is going to wear to work." I'll just go grab my jeans and be ready.  Jen unhinges the clips for the dress and hands it to me as I lay on the bed.  "Uh, okay."  I grab the skirt and begin to put it on.  It's an easy slip on type deal with a zipper that runs up from around my leg to my waist.  The rest is this really cute slit that goes down to around where my calfs are.  I wrap it around my body and begin to zip it up from the bottom.  Surprisingly it fits me.  Who fucking knew right?

I guess this is in style?  A bright blood red sleeveless shirt with a baby blue silky dress to show off my incredible man ass.  Awesome.

What the fuck people?  This is the type of shit that I dream!  It has no point or reason behind it.  What does this shit mean?  Because I have no idea.  And to top it all off, I even have a MORE fucked up dream that I had when I was 14 that I still remember to this day.  It could probably be made into a little funny skit or something, but that's another story for another day.

Sweet dreams everyone.